I wanted to thank all the people who responded to my previous blog entry. Today, I wanted to tell a little story about myself and how I see my life differently today.
Most of my life has been lived on a fast train to never ending pain, sorrow, and destruction. I never knew how to get off that train because I felt comfortable on that familiar seat I called life. Until one day that train came to a dead stop, and my everyday ride had come to an end. That is when I finally learned how to live. While I was locked up I learned that I wasn’t put on this earth to ride this misery train, I realized I deserve better.
My destructive lifestyle not only hurt me, but impacted the lives of my family – especially my children. My daughter was given up to my in-laws because I was too selfish to give up my seat on the fast train. My son, who I raised part-time, was robbed of a Mother. His Father was fully engulfed in a lifestyle that had no room for a child. This resulted in my son having to spend most of his life with his Granny. My parents loved and prayed for me so much and always believed that I would get it together soon. My Father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and was put in a home for the elderly. He spent over two years there before he passed away. After he dedicated his life to spending his time and energy on me, I was too busy on my train ride to come spend time with him. My Mother passed away about 10 years after my Father, and I didn't even attended her funeral.
You may be wondering why I wanted to tell you all this. It’s because I want you to understand that each day I have to face the repercussions of my actions and behaviors. It is hard to learn how to accept the things I can’t change, but it does give me the strength to know I never want to get back on that fast train ride again. I will never jeopardize another moment of my life and risk missing all the things that are important. I would give my life to be able to go back in time and tell my parents I’m sorry and love them, to be there for my children and not have missed such important milestones in their lives.
Friends of Guest House has reinforced the tools I need to live a normal, sober life. Guest House gave me the courage to face and overcome the daily pains and regrets of my past behavior. It is comforting to see that there are people who really want to see you be what God put you on this earth to be – an honest, loving person who takes the good with the bad. The staff and volunteers in this program believe in you and the person you are becoming. I have the strength now to be myself and I don’t feel like I have to put on a mask to live my life.
I want the readers of this blog to know that today I have learned how to ride the bus! It’s slow and makes a lot of stops, but I don’t have to get off if it’s now where I want to be. I can enjoy all the people, trees, flowers, beautiful babies, and even just a nice smile from the bus driver. I have come a long way from the fast train. God and the Guest House are my support. Both really care and want to see me succeed, rather than help me fall. I am thankful today for all I have endured throughout my life because it brought me to this place. I am now able to help others who are fighting to get off that fast train and just don’t know how. I never expected to take that ride for 30 years, but I unfortunately did. It hurts every day I wake up, but through the Guest House program, I can smile and be thankful to be alive in such a beautiful world."
- D.H., Resident at Guest House